Thursday, November 29, 2007

finding support in many forms

i finally got a whole, good night's rest last night and am feeling much better this morning. way better, in fact, than i expected to feel less than two days after surgery. i have been diligent with taking painkillers on the schedule and using ice for the swelling as well.

in the middle of the first night after surgery, i woke and felt like my breast needed support, some physical support. funny that you can't really plan ahead for the perfect functioning bra. not knowing the size of the breast i would emerge from surgery with and exactly where that pesky incision would be. all my stiff cup bras, which would have provided good support for the weight of the breast so it doesn't pull on the incision, they hit in the wrong place, their slightly bulky edge matching up exactly with my incision. och!

so we tried my soft lacy bra, which isn't really enough support, but also doesn't put any pressure on the tender and painful incision. yesterday i sent mom to the store to get the pain meds and a wide, stiff ace bandage to wrap around my torso. guess what? those old-school bandages are hard to find. she probably would have had better luck at the army-navy surplus than she did at the pharmacy.

so i ended up holding my breast all day to support the weight, not the most relaxing thing. until bedtime, when suddenly from my fuzzy, medicated brain, came a flash of memory. i knew i had been wrapped with a large ace bandage after the last surgery, six years ago. i reached into a box in my closet and voila, there it was!

small miracles make all the difference. i am certain my good night's sleep was due in large part to having the breast be secured, finally. and the sheer exhaustion of passing two nights without much sleep previously.

today, mom and i go out to the pacific ocean to a little cottage right on the beach. we will be loaded down with warm clothes, good food, movies and books for a couple of relaxing nights. for me, being next to the ocean is like a return to the womb. it's the womb of the earth and never fails to comfort and ground me.

i did gather up my courage and face the new breast in the mirror yesterday, but that is a story for another day. i will be away until saturday, but then will post here again. this turnip story doesn't end quite yet. we will be waiting to here from pathology on the results of testing the tumor, an answer that likely will not come until monday.

thank-you for all your sweet and supportive comments here and private emails. i am deeply comforted by all of you out there, sending me love and light. i know it may feel like you aren't able to do anything to help, but please believe that the words you send my way and the healing thoughts, those are precious pieces of my healing. you have no idea how vital what you are doing is to the path i am on right now. thank you so much.


Natalia said...

i hope your time at the beach is a soothing balm. sending you much much love as you heal.

Tay said...

thanks, dear.