the outpouring of support from friends and strangers has been so encouraging to me these past few weeks with the turnip growing inside and so many unknowns ahead. i feel so blessed to have inspired you all to reach out, send a message, i've even gotten a few (very precious) donations to help with medical bills. thank-you very much!
everyday, i visualize people all over the globe, sending a little happy thought my way. i try to imagine a circle of light and healing holding me close. thank-you for that healing energy, i want you all to know -i am receiving it.
i am also doing research on pyhllodes tumors and facing many scary realities and possible outcomes. how do i expect the best, yet plan for the worst? i don't want to give the worst possible scenario more weight than it deserves. yet i am not a pollyanna, either.
i am struggling to find that balance.
so i ask for your stories. tell, me if you can, when you faced the most difficult crises of your life -what got you through that time? how did you do it, what sustained you? i need to surround myself with tales of bravery from other vulnerable humans like me. i need role models for surviving with grace. any kind of crises story will do, it doesn't have to be health related at all...
or, if you can't tell your story publicly in the comments section, send me a quote or mantra that has always helped you pull through tough times. send me something inspiring, something uplifting.
or just send me a happy story, something funny. i need to laugh.
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"Have patience with all things,
but, first of all, with yourself."
-St. Francis de Sales
Remember. You have a dear friend who loves you, and has loved you (with a need for room to grow).
here are a few of my tips to share:
-order out of chaos: the anxiety of not knowing the outcome can be unbearable. sometimes for me, writing down the possible situations and how i will proceed given each potential outcome can give some order and get it out of my brain and onto paper.
-inspiration from others who have confronted crisis with honesty and integrity: I have found Pat Allen's book, Art is a Way of Knowing, very inspirational in that regard, when I am suffering. Also, Natalie Goldberg's book The Great Failure is an engaging, bold account of her own struggles. A plus on the latter is that her story is so gripping it's also a good distraction (see next point)
-distraction: good fiction that can sweep you away from reality for a time to give your brain and adrenal glands a break. last winter, in the last hours of my mothers life, i mechanically directed myself to the fiction section of powell's and reached for a book- any book, please!- and focused on immersing myself in it while i waited to go to the airport. all that mattered was that i could be in a different life for a while.
(breitenbush also works well in this regard, for a break from 'real life' and an opportunity to rest the body.)
-finally, and perhaps most importantly, humor! I am lucky that I have a 5 year old constant source of humor in my life, that keeps me on track when I get too immersed in my own issues. Here is a recent example (which may be amusing to no one other than mothers of 5 year olds, perhaps)
in the morning, in the bathroom before school:
L: Kiran, did you wash your face honey, it looks like there's some...
K: Drool Mom! There's drool on my face. Just like our neighbor! (actually, it looked more like oatmeal or nose-yuck to me, but I was willing to give her drool, at least it was within range)
L: What neighbor? Which neighbor drools? (was there something I hadn't yet noticed with Jean?) [ed note: Jean is our 80-something nextdoor neighbor]
K: The man neighbor, our neighbor who lives in the house next to us, his name sounds just like Drool!
L: (after a second to process what she was saying...)oh, you mean Drew? Yeah, I guess his name does sound a little like drool.
K: Not a little bit, it sounds JUST LIKE drool- Droo and Drool!!
L: I guess you're right, it does....
The first thing that comes to mind for me is Golden Horse (4th and Everett, downtown). But that isn’t the only thing.
I went through a really terrible depression a few years ago. The lowest point lasted for about three weeks, and the aftermath lasted for probably two years. And when I think about how I got through it, my first thought is of Golden Horse (even though I probably only ate one or two decent meals in that three weeks), and my other thoughts are mostly of my friend Aaron and of our adventures. We’d give ourselves over to the universe and wander around with no aim, letting the currents of energy float us to our true destination. We did that kind of thing before, and we did it after as well. But it was never so profound as when I was in that transition. I think that our adventures forced into my brain that the universe was taking care of me, and that if I just let go, I would get to where I needed to be.
There is time for determination. But there is also time and space to take a breath and be reminded that everything really is okay.
My friend Tami once sent me a magnet that says ‘Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.’
And that’s just how it is.
Hi Tay,
It's DeeAnna here. When I heard about things with you, I felt funny inside. I know we never knew each other all too well, but since I'm going through some health problems of my own right now, I felt connected to what you must be going through. In essence, I am living it right along with you. I've learned so much in the last few months. I know all of it will benefit me at some point down the line, but it feels a million miles away right now. The healing journey is just that and hope is the fuel that keeps me going each day when I wake up and realize that I'm STILL not dreaming. My husband and dearest friend recently gave me a little card that he wrote some quotes in for me. I'd like to share those with you because they are always there when I need a mantra to replace my anxiety or fear.... "Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, that sings the song, without the words and never stops at all" Emily Dickinson
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear" Mark Twain
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet, only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved" Helen Keller
I'd love to talk sometime...peace to you...and remember, you are strong enough to do this!
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