Friday, December 7, 2007

a small update

the next surgery will be tuesday, december 18. dr. naik will go into the same breast and take more tissue, in hopes of getting enough margin to test clear. focus your healing thoughts there, a clear margin. we are getting dangerously close to the nipple, so if a third surgery is needed, i will lose my nipple.

if. if. if. if. so many ifs.

i'm trying to not go there yet. one step at a time, one small(huge) chunk at a time with this thing.

i will meet with both dr. naik and the plastic surgeon on monday, although any reconstruction that is needed won't be this month after all. so many unknowns. i look into 2008 and want to be positive. i can't see it clearly, i feel in a deep fog, nearly numb after the news of the past few days.

only one thing i am sure of right now. i want to fight to keep this breast. i love it and i want to keep it. oh yes, it is smaller, maybe not the prettiest one for a while, but still better than nothing.

i am terrified of that nothing.


Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Darling Tay, I so understand your fear of nothing. I would feel the exact same way. I can not begin to imagine the angst and confusion you are going through. Although we have never met, I feel connected to you somehow and I will be thinking of you every day and sending you all my warmest wishes from Marrakech.

salmonpoetry said...

yes, just a nod of support to you with how well you are doing in this whole traumatic process. it is great that you have a good sense of your priorities (and your love for your body) and hopefully knowing what those priorities are will make it a little bit easier (i know, "easy" doesn't begin to apply) to make decisions and ask questions.
sending you healing light in this season of darkness...