here we are again, knee-deep in the long agony of waiting for the pathology report. i've been in a dense fog of pain meds this week, not even able to write in this space. just drifting along, sleeping many hours, checked out from life. i hope you all forgive my silence, there is very little that seems worth saying, in the absence of real news.
i had hoped for an answer back on the pathology report on friday. it was a long shot, but within the realm of possibility. yesterday, by the time 6pm came and went, i knew that hope was dashed. i cried, curled up with my mom's arms around me. i'm not feeling at all confident that we will hear on monday, even. monday being christmas eve and even if the pathology report is done, who will be there to call me and relay the results?
does santa deliver pathology reports? what if i've been a very good girl?
which means i am again facing hearing this news after my mom leaves. the news that may not come now until wednesday or even thursday. i'm not too good at this waiting game. i feel like an angry, frustrated, dull-witted child.