Saturday, December 22, 2007

same song, second verse

here we are again, knee-deep in the long agony of waiting for the pathology report. i've been in a dense fog of pain meds this week, not even able to write in this space. just drifting along, sleeping many hours, checked out from life. i hope you all forgive my silence, there is very little that seems worth saying, in the absence of real news.

i had hoped for an answer back on the pathology report on friday. it was a long shot, but within the realm of possibility. yesterday, by the time 6pm came and went, i knew that hope was dashed. i cried, curled up with my mom's arms around me. i'm not feeling at all confident that we will hear on monday, even. monday being christmas eve and even if the pathology report is done, who will be there to call me and relay the results?

does santa deliver pathology reports? what if i've been a very good girl?

which means i am again facing hearing this news after my mom leaves. the news that may not come now until wednesday or even thursday. i'm not too good at this waiting game. i feel like an angry, frustrated, dull-witted child.

4 comments:

Sondra said...

Hang in there Dolly, We're all rooting for you and you are so much stronger than you think. I know, you're tired of being strong.
Just a little while longer.
BTW, I got the wonderful red button earrings yesterday when I went home for lunch and put them right in my ears.
Thanks for getting them out so fast.
Remember we're all with you and sending Healing Love and Light.

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Darling Tay,
I can only imagine the trepidation. But the news will come a few days earlier or later. I know that doesn't make it any more bearable. Doctors work on Christmas!!! In fact, my whole family is on call this year. Here is to hoping for good news sooner rather than later.

love from Marrakesh

salmonpoetry said...

well, glad to hear that at least you are there with your mom. that does sound agonizing, having to wait through christmas, with that hanging over you.
before you know it, the news will come. and i am hoping, wishing, praying, that it is good news for you. it seems like you are in caring hands and that the docs will do all they can to get the news to you as soon as possible.
we are around if you need some cheer. kiran does a mean rendition of some christmas carols she is learning (with unique lyrics, of course), and we are in a baking frenzy.
best wishes, as usual. (and, i have been modeling your beautiful jewelry all over town!)

Natalia said...

gawd, waiting is the worst. i feel your pain....i am so impatient and terrible at waiting and especially as you are bracing yourself for an unknown outcome.
if you need some company, a distraction, let me know and i'd be happy to come hang out with you whenever i can.
sending you lots of strong love and healing and light