here's the thing about radiation.
it might seem like i am nearly half way through, with 16 done and 17 to go. yet it's really impossible for me to see more than one day, often one hour at a time right now. that's all i can handle. time is surely flying by for you all out there, but it's stuck on slow-mo over here in my life.
the primary reason for this is that the side effects get worse everyday. while the fatigue is no joke, the other effects are even harder to handle. each day closer to being done, while reason to celebrate, is also another day of accepting the burning of my skin. imagine getting a sunburn on your softest, palest skin, then going out into the elements the next day and the next - each day the burn increasing. there is no relief reaching the half-way point and no sense of sliding down hill to the finish. it's uphill everyday till the end, the climb steeper each day. right now, i cannot see the top of the hill, only the step right in front of me.
i feel so very exposed, so deeply vulnerable.
it's gotten painfully difficult, both emotionally and physically, to choose the treatment every day. i think this is where the depression comes in. i may have to ask to go down to four days a week, which while it would extend my finish date, will give the skin more recovery time.
as it stands now, i am scheduled to be done on march 20. i know it will eventually end, that in time i will recover. but this middle part right here? it just sucks. simple as that, my friends. it sucks.
thank-you for all your encouraging comments. you have no idea how much i need them now.