Monday, February 25, 2008

rads, day 15: quiet & tired

i'm afraid this is the boring part i warned you about a couple of months ago. i am tired, very tired. and a bit depressed. i haven't a scrap of extra energy to give, so i'm becoming more silent, more solitary.

my parents were away in india for the past few weeks, it was so hard not being able to talk to my mom on the phone. but they are now safe and sound, back in snowy michigan, thank heavens. i cried a lake of saved up tears talking to mom yesterday. it felt good to let go of those tears, to release them in a safe space she held for me. even on the phone, it's there. what a blessing.

right now, i feel like the little engine that ran out of steam. 18 more treatments to go.


d.Sharp said...

Wishing you the very best Tay - sending positive energy to fill the well. Please take care!

salmonpoetry said...

hi Tay,
i think that the previous comment i wrote did not register.
thinking of you and sending good wishes your way. i've been away from blogging b/c i am still very sick at the moment, but you've made a huge dent in your radiation treatments, great job Tay, and your jewelry inventory has been expanding too i noticed, you have been working hard. get the rest you need and eventually this radiation will be done with and you will begin to recover your strength and energy. until then try to hold on and just be present with what you need in each moment.

once i am well, i had written that i would offer to give you some company and bring some healthy food your way, and if needed vacuum for you (or something else of course) just b/c vacuuming takes a lot of energy and if you're tired it might be nice to be in a clean space w/o having to put your energy out for it. of course, anything else, just a suggestion that i thought could be helpful.

hang in there, spring is coming and it is getting lighter and warmer and hopefully the impending spring can help to carry you through the midpoint of your treatment until you start downhill towards the end of it.

hang in there and know that many of us are sending you good warm thoughts. once i am well i will have ample time to be of support, with food, company, errands, etc. hopefully that will be sooner rather than later (i am going to the doctor tomorrow to try to get things under control).

Natalia said...

so glad you were able to cry and let go. mama's are so good for holding a safe space for being sad and vulnerable. you are more than halfway done with rads, no?
i've some chicken soup in the freezer for you, so just let me know when you want it and i will deliver.
much much love to you.

Catherine Chandler said...

Tay, I think about you every single day. I think of you, my heart warms up, and I send positive, warm energy to you. This may be the beginning of the quiet time, time to rest and relax and spend time with yourself. Please let me know if I can do with the studio, mailing orders, etc. Anything, really.

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

oh, just reading all these sweet, supportive comments from your readers makes me a little weepy...vacuuming! chicken soup! filling orders!

Your radiation end date is rushing up so quickly. I am sure you can visualize yourself towards the finish line now....yes, weary, thirsty, depleted. But oh so proud of yourself, oh so pleased that it is done, oh so content that you are kicking cancer's butt.

Rely on your friends and family, stay focused, and see yourself crossing the finish line, the ribbon breaking across your chest.......

Sondra said...

Hang in there, Honey Girl, You are doing so well,
Give in to the tired. Rest your physical self and your emotional self. Feel the sea breeze on your face.
Float with the spirit.
Love and warm energy to you,