herbs and rays

on monday at 8:15 am i begin my radiation treatment. i've had some weeks to bring my spirit in line with this choice. we are there. mind, body, spirit united in support of receiving this treatment. i will be getting radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks.

yes, 30 treatments. sigh. going to radiation is my new job, it seems.

the most common side effects people report from radiation treatment are fatigue and skin reactions. for some, it's a crippling fatigue, although not permanent. i am more concerned with skin reactions, as i have very fair and sensitive skin. for certain, there will be sunburn-like reactions. i am hoping and praying that my skin can take 30 treatments, that it does not break down, crack or bleed. rest assured, as a former bodycare specialist, i will be calling upon all my knowledge to help my skin as much as i can. protecting the cells and tissue that are not cancer is my number one priority. i'm working on this internally and externally. right now, i have one tiny spot on my surgery inscison that is not healed over and that has me really worried.

a few weeks ago, i saw a wonderful doctor of chinese medicine. on the faculty of NCNM, dr. kou was recommended by a friend who is a naturapathic doctor. i am excited about dr. kou because he specializes in alternative cancer treatment. the acupuncture i received was great and he prepared a special powdered chinese herb mix for me to take 3 times a day in water. dr. kou has seen good results when combining the herbs and traditional cancer treatment. and it intuitively feels right, this chinese medicine. the shocking part was the cost. insurance doesn't cover herbs, just acupuncture. and the herbs are $45 a week! plus, i need to take it for at least the 6 weeks of radiation treatment. he recommends taking it another 2-3 weeks after i finish as well.

i told him i couldn't afford it and left sadly, with my one week supply.

since then, i've mentioned it to a few friends. they all encouraged me to post the situation here. you can imagine how much resistance i have to asking for help, again and again. i'm still fighting feelings of shame for needing help. (obviously, my personal work on this issue is not complete!) for these past few weeks i have pondered it, put it off. now the moment of truth is nearly upon me. radiation is about to being. yet this last piece is not in place and that is making me feel very uneasy. last night i had a terrible dream about it.

so, here goes. perhaps you've been wanting to donate something but don't have much to spare? perhaps $45 doesn't seem like it would help? well, i am putting it out there. more positive intention. would you like to sponsor a week of the chinese herbs? i would be very, very thankful. if you want to help in this way, you can simply use the donation button in the sidebar. also, if you don't want to do it through paypal, just send me an email and i will send you my address to do it through the mail.

i promise i will post a report here so you all can see how many weeks are covered. please don't feel bad if you can't give monetarily, the support you all send me in the form of thoughts and prayers is keeping my spirit and heart full of love. and full of light when it could be so, so heavy and dark.

i am still working this weekend on coming up with positive visualizations of the radiation rays that will help me fully welcome the healing power they offer. if anyone has a visualization to suggest, please do so post haste. if you feel shy putting in the comments, you can always send it by email.

thank-you, my friends for being here, for hanging in through all this stuff with me. i'll be posting more often in the coming weeks, i expect. this next round of treatment is a pretty stiff dose of reality. it's like entering the land of the sick again, just going to the hospital.