Tuesday, April 8, 2008

sleeping beauty?

oh, my. it seems all i want to do is sleep these days. i am dragging myself out of bed in the morning and not at an early hour either. how can i be tired after sleeping 9 hours? it boggles the mind. and it's a battle with myself to just go with that flow and if i am tired enough to fall asleep in the afternoon, to allow the nap to happen. perhaps there is some lingering fatigue from the radiation that is catching up with me? something is catching up with me for sure. moving as slow as i am, that's not so tough to do.

happy to report that i have gotten a few walks in during the past week, although not as many as i would like. there it is again, that critical voice telling me i'm not doing enough. i have to remind myself that on some level, every cell in my body has just run a marathon, a long stress test of endurance. that being tired is a logical reaction. it's up and down. i'll have a day with plenty of energy where i get loads done and even take a walk then think, ok! here i am again, living my life. yeeees!

ah, noooooo. not so fast. then i can't stay awake the next afternoon, sleep a 10-hour night and take another nap the next day. i haven't yet found my rhythm.

the new normal is still a pie in the sky idea, nothing has settled.

a couple of bright spots, however. my prosthesis is in! today I go pick it up and start looking, at least in clothes, like myself. two matching breasts? wow. it's been 4 1/2 months since i had that.

and the other good thing? i started a four week workshop to help me transition back into my business and focus my goals. it's a cool thing called an incubator, with a national women's group, ladies who launch. our first meeting was last night and i am really encouraged by the diverse, creative group of women who gathered. i am hoping that this next month will be a fertile time of building myself back up. i have to get back into a productive groove in my studio.

will all this sleep help me find my beautiful? stay tuned.


Anonymous said...

You may need someone on the outside reminding you, but you have never been this tired in your whole life!!! Cut yourself some slack, you are allowed. If you want to take a nap now or anyday for the forseeable future - do so! I am tired all the time thesedays, and I did not have radiation.


Michael Endo said...

I agree. I'm all for taking naps if I have the time and I'm tired. That's the great thing about being a student or self-employed naps are totally possible and, at least by me, highly encouraged. Michele would probably a lot more relaxed if she allowed herself to take naps.

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Tay dear,
I think sleep is good as long as it is not a side effect of depression.

I sent you a little something to brighten your day. You should get it *very* soon, I hope.