Monday, January 14, 2008

tay, remember you can fly



in the midst of my utter despair and panic, this gift came in the mail. isn't it lovely and precious? a dear woman i know made it, originally for herself, she thought. but she wrote me that as it turns out, the cuff was destined to be mine. so she proceeded to personalize it. i love it so much. soft wool and a message that both comforts me and brings the tears.

i am gathering my tool box for this next chapter of healing. today has been a strange day in which i've spent hours online, reading. seeking souls and minds out there for inspiration, for strength. lucky me, in the magical way one things leads to another on the web, i have found some real encouragement.

a few laughs. some new tunes. photos that transport me to a continent away.

and i've found some deep thoughts about making art and making a living. it's not easy for anyone. we all need to be true to our vision and help each other keep putting our beauty (whatever form it takes) out into the world.

you reading this from rooms all over the globe are helping me stick with it another day. helping me remember i can fly.

thank-you.

another full measure of strange, cancer is teaching me more about gratitude than anything else i've ever experienced. even in the midst of all the shit, i feel acutely aware of all i have to be thankful for.

5 comments:

chinuk tilixam said...

In our old stories it is told how Coyote wandered through the new world, establishing how life was to be for the new humans. Despite his power, he struggled with all the taboos and rituals involved in nearly all aspects of life, such as catching salmon. So difficult, in fact, that he had to rely on the advice of his two wise sisters to persevere. Finally, after great struggle, Coyote decided that since it was hard for even him, so it would be for the new humans. Struggle and hardship became synonomous with life, in balance with success.

Those wise sisters are still there for us, in the morning sun, in the reassuring touch of a close friend, even in the art that we create.

Even while struggling, you are strong and in that balance I wish you the greatest success.

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Darling Tay,
I just braved a blizzard in Boston with planes, trains, and buses canceled. I walked in the snow with two heavy suitcases and backpack, and purse all the way to the train station from my home. I couldn't see where I was going. The snow was blowing in my face. But I had to get there - get to my destination. I had to stop many, many times. I was tired. My shoulders ached. I was freezing. The wind chilled me. wasn't prepared; I didn't have the right clothes. I was wet. I wanted to give up. I felt powerless. I almost turned back.

But I didn't.

The train station was warm. A kind man opened the door for me. The conductor helped me with my bag. I smiled back at them.

You will make it - in the face of adversity. Despite what the universe is throwing your way. They are all tests. Keep your destination in mind. The door will open for you, too. Kind hands will help you. I promise.

Natalia said...

the lessons you are learning are hard won. i love that despite how hard this is for you and how hard it is to witness i am always certain that you will get through b/c i have absolute faith in how strong you are. and you are wise too, for being able to discern the messages being sent through all the shit. you are seeking and finding, and it is beautiful to witness you finding love and light and support and gratitude in the midst of this all. this past year has taught you not only to leap but to fly as well! we are all here waiting for you on the ground thinking how proud we are of you.

Tay said...

thank-you for the stories of encouragement.

All i can do is get up each day and try.

with you all here, I am stronger.

salmonpoetry said...

i love anything with a chicken on it- chickens are the best cheerer-uppers in the world! (though I suspect it's not a chicken, chickens don't fly, wishful thinking)
wear it and be proud! what a thoughtful gift to receive at just the right moment.

maryam's post about trudging through a blinding blizzard in boston brought back memories of college- i did that many a time in the four years i spent there, often wearing outrageously uncomfortable high heels, too (it was the 80s, sigh). if i could weather that, you will definitely get through this rough spot...
(just an attempt at humor- I know what you're going through is far less silly than high heels in snow...)