Wednesday, January 16, 2008

going foward

today was a banner day. first, i felt shooting pain in my breast while walking the dog. no, that is good news, really! that pain is proof my nerves are healing, they've slowly been knitting themselves back together. as they do, they let me know with a zap. ah, how wonderful to have some feeling, even pain, return to an area i have been afraid would not recover this time.

second, i was able to wear my regular bra and leave the multiple layers of sport bras in the drawer! just putting it on and feeling good was enough to inspire me to put in my contacts and some make-up, too. that's three things i used to take for granted, but that today feel like victories. not feeling like a icky lump for the first time since
november 26, 2007? this is a big day, friends.

comfortably wearing pretty underthings again goes a long way towards off-setting the unsightly tattoos i got, courtesy of the radiation technicians last
friday. all i can say is: i am now a marked woman.

it's now one month since the last surgery. i am feeling better in body each day. back to working in my studio, gradually adding to the time i spend there. a new jewelry collection is taking shape and i am really quite excited about it.

since my last post and my emotional melt-down last weekend, so many of you have commented and sent messages. i am so
appreciative those sweet words of support and belief. i just need to keep visualizing you all behind me.

one of my more profound thoughts of the new year is this:
all i can do it keep going forward.

simple in the extreme, but that's the essence of it. life is here, right now in this moment. i can't control or predict. my best laid plans may fail. all i can do is try. get up each day and do what i know, follow what i love and be kind. kind to others and even more challenging, kind to myself.

as scared and discouraged and freaked out as i may get, i am not going to stop going forward. that's all this big soup of life boils down to, when you get right down to it.

4 comments:

Designer Streaks said...

Very true..........

salmonpoetry said...

i hope those pretty underthings are warm, given the weather these few days!
glad you are feeling better and a glimmer of perspective on the bigger picture has shone through for you Tay. What you're going through is definitely an uncharted path filled with brambles and the occasional ripe, juicy berry awaiting, and you're doing a marvelous job of navigating.
i look forward to your new jewelry collection, too- your copper locket has accompanied me both to my work meetings in SF last week and at my friend's funeral on sunday, and i am thinking to come look through your necklaces to perhaps find a small one to give as a gift to his wife.
best wishes for continued nerve regeneration, there is a whole world of molecules and cells working together to get your feeling back there. keep up the forward momentum!

cally said...

ah yes, my uncle has had lyme's disease and evry time his leg or foot hurts he smiles, it means paralysis is diminishing.

happy to hear your good news, i hope the pain never exceeds the joy.

Laurie Constantino said...

Oh Tay, I'm so glad to hear your good news, but mostly to know your spirit is still very strong. I light candles for you every week, and hope you can feel the good energy coming your way from Alaska. Sooner than you think it will be spring, and flowers will be bursting into bloom all over Portland, just like sooner than you think this will all be a memory. In the present, the strong you will carry you forward. Yesterday was just one of many good days that are coming your way!