Sunday, December 14, 2008

wishing and hoping and working and waiting

has the intensity of this last week left you breathless? if so, you are not alone. the stars are stacked up and opposing each other, it seems. life in my little corner has certainly been an emotional and physical whirlwind.

today, here in the notoriously mild-weather northwest, even mother nature fell into step with the general craziness. a snow storm. modest by northeast standards, nearly epic by portland
standards! the roads are slick and most are staying inside.

my small dog knows just what to do after a romp in the swirling flakes this morning. snuggle up and take a long winter's nap. here she is, my miss mia. she grounds me and comforts me in ways that no human ever has. we've shared this life for fourteen years now and every night as we settle down to sleep, i am thankful for another day online sale has gone well this week, another thing i am grateful for today. even as i summon my metal focus to dive into an afternoon of job applications - i feel ok. fear held at bay. positive intention holding the lead.

the finish line is so far ahead, i can't see it. perhaps this quest for a job will be a marathon in the end. i hope i am up to the task. and that somehow, my money expands to fill the widening gap. so far, no encouraging signs have come to light. not a call, not a single email to say "yes, please do come meet with us". i know i cannot take it personally, this rejecting silence. i simply must continue to direct my message out to the universe, out to this slim number of appropriate job postings- and wait.

who likes waiting? not me. waiting sucks. but i am getting better at it, after all the practice this year. it seems like there has been a theme to 2008 for me. persevere. just keep on, keeping on. even when it is boring and difficult, even when it seems pointless and painful, especially when my faith wavers and everything looks dark. just move through each day as best i can.

allot of this year has been just surviving.

in 2009, i want more. more joy in each day. more clarity. more consistent good health, prosperity and confidence. i want this for me and for each one of you.

but for today, i just need to stay warm and keep going on the job search. oh, and try not to think about surgery just four days away now...

1 comment:

Sondra said...

Well, Tomorrow is the big day,
Hope you've been taking arnica all along. If not start now. I'll be sending you lots of good healing energy.
Be well, Enjoy having your Mom there and sleep sleep sleep.