Tuesday, June 17, 2008

help me, i'm melting!

oh dear. i did have quite a melt-down yesterday. felt as if the top of my head burst and all my brains formed an gooey puddle around me. it's the business plan, kicking my ass. hard.

the process brings up all sorts of questions, which lead to doubts and pretty soon I'm in some sort of duel to the death with the devil. or at least the part of my brain playing the devil's advocate. hopefully he's died a messy death in the explosion yesterday!

some of you must have gone through this process. it's as hard as ten term-papers, yet more important. people with money, those investors i need to say yes, yes, yes. this is the plan to gain their support.

of course, i am trying to make it too perfect. damn that attention to detail.

really, i told myself yesterday afternoon, all i need right now is the first draft. try to think of it as a work in progress. granted, one that has taken over my life. but maybe that is fitting, after all i am writing my life. it's a plan for creating a life worth living, a plan for making a good life for me and a host of people who will work with me.

perhaps this birth should be painful, it's the way of nature.

so i took something to ease the pain last night, two glasses of red wine and an excellent dinner. salmon, asparagus, wild rice. it felt so good to cook for myself without effort, just like i used to. i noticed the change, as i was making the food. i noticed that it felt easy. what a lovely shift from the past few months, when planning and preparing food has been such a struggle.

i am sorry to be such a spotty writer here of late. i am trying for once a week, as i miss it when i don't write. and it feels as if my circle has floated away now that i'm out of serious crisis mode. that's the illusion i used to live under, that i was alone. i need to keep fresh that feeling that you all are still standing around me, that my circle of support is intact and strong as ever. weeks of radio silence here and on my other blog has made me a little twitchy, i'll admit.

our summer weather is a tease here in the northwest and frankly, i'm just sick of it. i want the ease of warm days, one after another! but i hope where you are is all golden and warm and relaxing. check back next week, i'll hopefully be reporting on a fully finished business plan.

8 comments:

beadbabe49 said...

you're in a very large group, tay...we are ALL sick of this on-again, off-again spring...even those of us who have been here most or all of our lives, are finding this to be a most challenging year!

Shauna said...

I'm here. I'm reading. And I'm not going away.

Throw away the stress. We can't change the weather. Have you read Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird? That's the way. Just write that business plan, bird by bird.

Perfectionism is the enemy of the people.

-- Anne Lamott

Two Mittens said...

Hi Tay!
You're work and your outlook are always inspiring.
I always feel better for having stopped by.
It's great to hear how good things are happening for you!

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Tay, we are here!!! I am guilty of stopping by and not leaving comments but I am checking in!

In any event, you are doing the good, hard work! I don't have a business plan and I am building a hotel! I admire you. Your work is beautiful and I hope you get a slew of investors.

Sondra said...

Tay,
We are here. It's OK.. You are not alone.
Here in Billings we have a "business incubator" they help with such things as business plans. Maybe there is such a thing in PDX? You may be able to find something through the Chamber of commerce. It's alway hard to know what Banker/Investor types are going to want. But just listen to your heart and it will be.
Sending love and Light.
Sondra

lisa said...

hi tay, still checking in, though keeping myself tethered farther from the computer than in the winter (i know it still feels like winter, until today!) despite the weather, i've had crops to tend and travels to take and other such stuff that has distracted me, but i try to sit down every now and then and check in on the blog world.

hang in there with the business plan, don't let it overwhelm you. the cooking description seems an apt analogy- before it felt onerous, now it feels easy again- hopefully the business plan can relax its worrisome grip and radiate with the abundance that lies behind and beneath it. i've been there before- with book proposals, and just trying to iron out the proposal for my life!

these are hard times and there are a lot of negative messages about, i find- but the only way to counter that is to rise up with a swell of creativity. creativity and connection are the hope for humankind- keep up with your beautiful vision!

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Where are you, dear Tay?

Tay said...

thank-you, my friends for your support and encouragement...for showing up here and checking on me week after week. I so appreciate you!

I do feel that lining up my heart and values with my business and putting it all out there is the best path to take for success...

bird by bird, as you say Shauna.

I did it!