Monday, May 12, 2008

stepping out of fear

well, my dear friends, there is big news over on my other blog today. i'm stepping out into the world with my business in a new way, with a new name. check it out right here. it's exciting and i am thrilled to be lining up my business name with positive intention and abundance.

what's in a name? for me, hopefully an clear indication of the future.

i was into panic mode when i wrote my last post here. it comes and goes like the wind. i should know by now that getting scared and shutting down, looking at choices as black & white - that isn't who i essentially am. that is my bullshit, my baggage. i would sure like it to be my past! for all those messy, nasty fears to stay in the past. but i think i've got to just make peace with them. judging myself harshly for being scared is just compounding the problem.

a friend wrote to me last week about the latest book by eckhart tolle called the new earth. she was burning to send me a copy and i was so caught up in my crappy state of mind, i said, oh no. just bring me your copy when we meet in august, there's no rush. ah, what a wise friend. she reads this blog and sees that i need the teachings of that book to bring me back to grace. (thank-you, h.) so, in my typical fashion, this weekend i read an article about the book in oprah's magazine and immediately felt better. for about the 1,000th time, i saw my busy, panic-driven mind for what it was. not me, the real me, but just my busy, panic-driven mind. and, i realized something that has been poking at me for months and months as well. what my life is missing is stillness. mediation is the tonic i need, not talk therapy. i've had plenty of that in this lifetime. and my talking-processing type of therapy is really happening here on turnip.

thanks for listening, by the way. *cringe* -you all are so good to me!

it's time to return to the zen center. time to set up a place of uncluttered stillness in my home and get back to practice. because i do know from past experience that in the present moment, each moment i am truly present, fear floats away and my abundant mind expands. this was part of my intention when i quit my day job, to return to a sustaining spiritual practice.

i'm taking off early tomorrow morning for michigan. a dear old friend is getting married and i will be visiting my family as an added bonus. after these past few months, it will be especially
wonderful to snuggle my sweet nieces and nephews. i may get a chance to write while away, but am not planning on it.

til then, talk amongst yourselves.


Catherine Chandler said...

Oh I want to HUG you! You are so beautiful and wonderful! I'm so happy to hear of these new steps forward :) And thank you for including me in your list of artists you like :)

The weather has me down down down today, with production work due soon. Stupid clouds.

I hope you have fun in Michigan! We should definitely go for a walk soon :)

Tay said...

oh, thanks, Catherine! i'm going to be updating/rearranging my links on found object soon too, and adding your blog. It's on the project list for the month of May! Big list.

hope I made you smile, hang in there with these endless cloudy's driving me a little crazy, too!

walk when i get back?

Sondra said...

Travel Easy.Find Time for your spiritual practice while you are away. It's a good time to set a pattern/habit, when there is nothing else, ( studio, etc) to think about.
I love the new image of your business and thank you for the explanation. Continue to be well and believe the universe is here to give you all you desire.

Robyn said...

Silence, meditation works wonders for me. Without it I get quite skittish. You talk about fear and you wouldn't be human not to fear. My husband goes through it with every ache and pain. As it nears his yearly check up with his onchologist he is particulary nervous.

HistPresD said...

As one of your friends that had the good fortune of seeing you on your travels, Yeah!

I do not think you give yourself enought credit for the things and the work you have done.

As my wife said after we saw you, "this has been one of the most tireing experiences of her life, she needs to cut herself a litle more slack".

You are doing great. I look forward to more posts.

Also, I think a return to the Zen center would be really good for you.