Thursday, May 8, 2008

evidence of abundance

first order of business: the back is way, way better. it took quite a bit longer to heal than this impatient, sick-of-being-a-patient would like. but thankfully, it is nearly 100%. i am so grateful to a new chiropractor of mine who is a miracle worker. i asked the universe for a female practitioner, under my insurance plan, less than two miles from my home and with an opening to treat me nearly immediately. seems like a rather tall order, doesn't it?

amazingly, the universe delivered the perfect chiropractor for my needs. huge sigh of relief.

thank-you for all your concerned comments and support, i really appreciate it.

a couple of weeks ago, i was panicking about my business, about the rapidly dwindling bank account and wringing my hands in a perfectly inefficient manner over however was i going to make it?

i had a couple of sessions with the colon hydrotherapy and started walking everyday and badaboom! things looked different. in fact, nothing had changed except how i was looking at my life. the bank account was still frightening, the post office was still delivering bills in a tireless fashion. i just snapped out of my deprivation mind set and rediscovered my abundance mind set.

i'm here to report, i am holding steady. abundance, abundance, abundance. let's say it all together now. a chant in the back of the brain. how wonderful it would be if i could get all those crazy monkeys in there to chant the good stuff, the messages i am trying to believe with all my being!

funny thing is, when i look at the evidence, i see that believing in abundance does seem to work. the chant, (along with actions like marketing my jewelry & going to the studio) appears to inspire sales. or, sales follow a change in my mind set. sounds so freaking easy when i write it down like that.

yet the stark reality is, i have only enough in savings to cover a couple of months at the most. sales may continue to increase and business expand into a comfortable income...but what if it doesn't? so i am brought to this:

i've been pondering getting another job, one that provided health insurance. i'm wondering if i do that, does that mean i am failing at my business? would i be letting down all the people that have been inspired by my journey this past year? yet, i am so weary of struggle. for the last few years, with two jobs and my business, it was a struggle to take care of myself well and i became very socially isolated. since november, with just one part time job and my full time business, it's been a struggle to survive financially and pay my bills. oh, wait. yeeees. there was also that whole breast cancer thing for months and months. my health insurance premium just increased by $45 a month. the weight of carrying all that feels too heavy for just me many days.

truth is, i don't want to have to choose between living a healthy, balanced life and being able to make a living. it's hard to sort out the right path at this point. i don't know how my leap into doing my business full time would have gone if the cancer chapter had never been written. would i be making it right now and living the life i imagined, the life i planned so carefully?

i sure like to think so.

7 comments:

dig-it-designs said...

That's a big question, and I'm sure a very scary one...and one, of course, only you can answer it for yourself. But definitely go easy on yourself...maybe it doesn't have to be so black/white, success/failure.

I don't think taking a job (so you can pay bills, eat & support your healthcare needs, etc) would be considered "failing" at your business. Financial security is a BIG deal & it alone causes much internal stress.

You'll know what you'll need to do when you need to do it & whichever direction you go, you'll be okay! Somehow, someway, you always are.

On a totally separate side note: do you find the colon therapy to be beneficial? I've been considering it for myself, but haven't taken the plunge. :)

zoey said...

hi there. i just found your blog today and have been touched by your strength as i read your posts. blessings to you. i live in newberg so we are neighbors! stop by and visit if you can - my blog is blatherings.blog.com it is conservative politics. ps -- love the jewelry! :)

Robyn said...

Whatever lowers your stress levels is best for you. I'll think positive thoughts that you find what ever is right for you at this time. Amazing what a good chiropractor can do! I have also found a female practitioner who has been an absolute boon. Doing the work that I do plays havoc with my back and wrists. She has steered me away from the surgery my GP suggested...thank goodness!

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Abundance and positive intent are so useful in your moving closer to living the life you have imagined for yourself. I wonder if it wouldn't be helpful to spend time doing what your doing now that cancer is not first most on your mind everyday. This is really a new era for you in so many ways. The days are so long over summer and it is such a creative time. Maybe you can give yourself a deadline at the end of the Summer to think about this again and see how you are doing.

Tay said...

thanks for all your support and good feedback, my friends. i know i am too hard on myself, i judge too harshly.

i really, really appreciate your supportive comments. bless you!

ticblog said...

"Does anyone have a turnip blog? Let's see..." I was tagged in a meme and the instructions were to find 'random' people to tag. Most people tagged their friends but I decided to get really really random. And voila, I've discovered you, and reminded myself that there are no accidents. Participate in the meme or don't. I'm just glad I managed to stumble over here - my own convoluted life isn't my own - there are many of us.

I am on the 'stable income' path. I have kids not cancer to consider. (Similar in that they both suck the life out of you and get out of control if not drugged... was that out loud? nevermind...)

In finding that zen, silence, quiet, in meditating, your answer always becomes clear. I always tell people this: The mind is smart enough to convince you of anything, where the heart is fickle and easily tricked by emotions. When you close your eyes and feel that distinctive pull in your gut, THAT is the voice you need to heed. That's your intuition, but you have to get your heart and your head to quit bickering long enough to hear it.

Best wishes,

~H.

Anonymous said...

Hi Tay,

I certainly AM inspired by your journey and that doesn't change if you need to take on a little part time job. Can you ask the universe for a one or two day per week job that involves something you are interested in??? Keep in mind that it is only temporary and that you are still moving ahead with your goals.

I remember reading a book once that talked about the flight paths of commercial airplanes. Did you know that the plane is free to swing off course as long as it still reaches it's destination within 20 minutes of it's scheduled landing time? If you can imagine a zig-zag...that's what the plane is doing. It's still making it's way to it's destination even though it's off course most of the time!

Getting a little side job is just like this. You are still on course to your destination of being a full-time artist, you are just taking a zig-zag to get there instead of a straight line.

Huge hugs,
April