Saturday, March 7, 2009

strange and more strange.

this has been an odd week for the body. it's a tale of struggle and strangeness, of pain and mystery. i began my cleanse on monday, a bright and warm spring day. unlike my last cleanse, this time i was prepared, experienced, confident.

then, things started to fall apart. my body started to host the weirdest symptoms. i still haven't really figured it out and neither has my doctor.

i woke on tuesday morning with severe low back pain and quite dizzy. walking the dog, i nearly fell over. however, i didn't feel sick, exactly. the cleanse protocol i follow allows you to eat plenty of sustenance, it is simply all pureed and from the alkaline list. i was drinking liters of good water and taking all my supplements. on monday, i had done a gentle workout (15 minutes on the exercise bike, 15 minutes gentle yoga and 25 minutes in the dry sauna). i also had a great acupuncture treatment. i should have woken on tuesday feeling like a million super-healthy bucks!

i knew my period was eminent...could that be the wild card? i'd never been dizzy like this before. perhaps i needed more water. i drank more water. i took things easy, took a salt bath, read a book.

by tuesday night, i had moved from just dizzy to intense vertigo whenever i tried to lay down. as you can imagine, this made going to bed quite difficult. when i lay down, ever so gently, the bed began to spin, violently. within minutes, my body was overwhelmed and copious vomiting followed.

now i truly felt terrible.

after an hour of inching down bit by bit to a prone position with the light on, i was able to fall asleep. i was sure a night of rest would restore all to normal.

it was not to be. i visited my doctor and she was puzzled as well. my ears and throat looked fine. perhaps a strange virus had settled in my inner ear and low back? we decided to wait a couple of days and then re-evaluate.

ah, but my interview with the faculty at lewis & clark graduate school was to be friday morning! i found it very hard not to stress out about feeling sick, dizzy and in pain for that very important meeting. i resolved to suck it up with the help of medicine, if needed.

sticking to the cleanse has not been a struggle this week, this first of 3 weeks. the dizzy symptoms have meant i am persistently nauseous, so my appetite has been seriously dampened. drinking smoothies and purred veggie soups has not been a struggle in the slightest. so perhaps there is a silver lining. the worrying part is that i still do not feel well.

the intense vertigo has past, it seems. yet i remain slightly dizzy, a little nauseous and my low back is absolutely killing me. on monday, if it is not improved, i will seek out a chiropractor. perhaps it was never a virus, perhaps i have a pinched nerve.

the week comes to a close, a strange week with some real lows. i have been able to do very little in the way of work and i do have some wedding locket sets to complete. fingers crossed for a healthy start to next week, so i can make up for lost time.

oh, enough about my health already! you probably want to know about the interview, right? dear friends, i went -in a smart outfit and aided by enough medication to keep the back from making me cry out in pain. the process was interesting and unlike anything i have experienced. picture this: a group interview with 25 applicants and 2 faculty members. first, we were given 30 minutes to write an essay, then an hour of going around the table, each person answering a question. then we broke into two groups, i was in a group of 12 applicants with the director of the school counseling program. i really liked the director and i think we connected. in our smaller group, we then went around and answered several more questions. at the end, we had the opportunity to ask questions of the director.

the strange part was feeling as if you are speaking to the whole group (which are in essence, your competition at this point) and telling your story, but the only opinions that matter are the two faculty members present. i feel i did well and for the most part, i felt comfortable and confident. certainly being 42, with years and years of professional experience, management and public speaking -i did have a significant advantage over the applicants in their early 20's.

at this moment, i am filled with relief that the interview is over. i believe i presented myself well, spoke sincerely and made a positive impression. my work is done in this application process. now, we wait for the faculty committee to decide. the director suggested we would have an answer by mail "around the beginning of april". the best part was leaving with even a stronger conviction that this school and this program is a great fit for me. i am so excited about the opportunities for growth, for intellectual stimulus, for building community. and i was thrilled to learn that 100% of their graduates get full time jobs in the field. some even get hired before they finish the program and end up being paid for the second year of internship!

so, i do think this is a perfect 3 weeks to be cleansing. in with the new, out with the old. my highest hopes are hung on getting accepted into this grad school, this program. however, if the fates decide differently, at least i will be healthier (and slimmer -i have already lost 4 lbs) to handle the blow.

at the moment, my deepest desire is for my back to stop hurting. today, i am living in the moment.


Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Oh my goodness! You have had more than your fair share!!!! I think we are connected because I was just stung twice on the eye by a swarm of bees (and 3 times on the head). Excruciating!

PS So relieved that the interview went well. Fingers and toes crossed.

Tay said...

Oh, that is awful!!! Being stung on the head is the worst, except for on the eye (both have happened to me) and then to have stings in both places!

Eekk! You must be so swollen and sore. Sending you cooling thoughts, I hope the venom's strength passes soon and you feel better.

You must be a deeply empathetic person ( I know you are, actually) to attract a swarm of bees...