Wednesday, August 5, 2009

answers, i need answers

hello again, my friends. for the past few weeks, i have been completely and happily absorbed in graduate school. the program is exciting, intense and just what the doctor ordered. it has been wonderful to focus on ideas and fill my brain up with all that new knowledge, instead of concentrating on my health 24/7.

how boring. it has been a boring stretch of months, thinking about my health so intently. this summer, it was great to change the channel and tune into something altogether new.

now i am on summer break and the health stuff is back on the front page again. *sigh*

i do feel much closer to figuring out my medical mystery. like sherlock holmes with no watson to assist me, i have been looking & thinking, researching & taking notes...turning over every rock to find my answers. this past week, the vertigo returned. oh shit. this time, it again showed up with back pain. thankfully, i have the motion sickness medicine from that trip to the ER in march. i take it when the room is spinning as i wake in the morning and it makes me so sleepy, am ready for a nap at noon.

i remain convinced that a slow-reaction food allergy or intolerance is at the root of all these mysterious symptoms. finding a doctor that doesn't think i am crazy has proved difficult. my secret fear is that i am crazy and i will never find an answer.

it is stressful knowing at any time, for no apparent reason, i can have a spell of vertigo, or intense back pain. it is very debilitating! what if this happens when i am in school?

on my own, i am getting blood drawn at a lab here and sending it to a well-respected testing facility. the test is called the ALCAT and i'll be tested for delayed reactions to 200 foods. i need answers and even though this test is expensive, i think having answers (even if i learn i can't eat some of my favorite foods) will be comforting. at this point i feel like i can deal with anything except mystery.

i'm also having a colonoscopy next monday, so maybe the tissue samples from my digestive system will also provide some answers.

maybe, just maybe, if i spend just one more month on the health stuff, i can figure it out and move on. i really want and need to move on. i have so much energy to give when i am not wrapped up in my health and medical issues.

manifesting answers. let it be so.

4 comments:

PetalsYoga said...

Tay,

I don't have the answers but I do have two books that I've just recently found very helpful.

"What's Wrong with Me? The Frustrated Patient's Guide to Gettinga an Accurate Diagnosis" by Lynn M. Dannheisser and Jerry M. Rosenbaum, M.D.

AND

"Instant Relief. Tell Me Where it Hurts and I'll Tell You What to Do." by Peggy W. Brill, P.T.

I really love the Brill book and have found the Diagnosis book to have a really interesting approach to getting the answers you need.

I hope this helps a little.

Hugs,

Jan

Tay said...

Thanks, Jan. I'll check out those books.

take 38 said...

I know how you feel...I've been in a maddening search for answers myself for the last year plus & it's soooo frustrating in & of itself. One day you're okay & think "great, things are looking up" and then BAM, out of nowhere you're down again. Don't give up--you are NOT crazy. And you will find the answer(s) through persistence. Any & everything is one step closer...keep it up!Katherine

Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Tay, did you find anything out? Pls post when you get a chance.

xo
Maryam