getting closer every day

it has been a packed few weeks since my last post here. i don't yet have the answers i seek, but i do feel incredibly encouraged and more certain than i have ever been that i will get those answers. my quest to figure out where this crazy back pain/arthritis and the vertigo is coming from has been a long and twisty road with plenty of nay-sayers along the way.

i hope to be set free with the answers that are coming on august 31st, when i get the results of the blood test i did for intolerance to 200 foods and 10 environmental chemicals. my worst case scenario would be results that showed high reaction to chocolate, cabbage, coconut, almonds & chlorine. but i am determined to be healthy, so even if i give up all my favorites and swimming...well, i believe it will be worth it to be healthy.

i found a natropath doc here that specializes in just the path of inquiry i have been on. intestinal disturbance, food allergies, arthritis and the links between them. when i found her, it seemed like all the stars in the universe finally aligned to help me on my quest. she doesn't think i am crazy! i can hardly believe she is also in my new insurance network, so follow-up visits will cost me less than $10. she also gave me her professional price on the big blood test, so i saved several hundred dollars, which feels like nothing short of a miracle!

in other health news: the colonoscopy went well, although biopsy results won't be in until this monday. yesterday i went into the operating room for what i hope will be the last time in this lifetime. my plastic surgeon did some revision on my breasts where they had not healed well and the scars had stretched and weakened. right away i can see the difference and it is very positive! i am sore and stiff today, but i know this will pass and soon i'll be able to swim and be active again.

they did most of the procedure with just local anesthetic, but to take the edge off, i also had some of the stuff that killed michael jackson. it's meant for small doses given in hospitals during surgery, you know.

*sigh* such a sad case...

this month of august has been full, very task-oriented and focused on getting ready to be a full time student, with minimal distractions. i set my office/study room in order with new files, desktop and shelves. mountains of papers have been sorted, filed, recycled and shredded. i am filled with a quiet joy, seeing the office take shape into an organized space. one of the most satisfying projects was taking my whole CD collection (most of which were in boxes) and removing them from the bulky jewel cases and presto! they all fit in one zipped-up 3-ring binder. i really wish i'd done that years ago.

there is my theme for august: getting it done. oh, and having fun. more on that later.

answers, i need answers

hello again, my friends. for the past few weeks, i have been completely and happily absorbed in graduate school. the program is exciting, intense and just what the doctor ordered. it has been wonderful to focus on ideas and fill my brain up with all that new knowledge, instead of concentrating on my health 24/7.

how boring. it has been a boring stretch of months, thinking about my health so intently. this summer, it was great to change the channel and tune into something altogether new.

now i am on summer break and the health stuff is back on the front page again. *sigh*

i do feel much closer to figuring out my medical mystery. like sherlock holmes with no watson to assist me, i have been looking & thinking, researching & taking notes...turning over every rock to find my answers. this past week, the vertigo returned. oh shit. this time, it again showed up with back pain. thankfully, i have the motion sickness medicine from that trip to the ER in march. i take it when the room is spinning as i wake in the morning and it makes me so sleepy, am ready for a nap at noon.

i remain convinced that a slow-reaction food allergy or intolerance is at the root of all these mysterious symptoms. finding a doctor that doesn't think i am crazy has proved difficult. my secret fear is that i am crazy and i will never find an answer.

it is stressful knowing at any time, for no apparent reason, i can have a spell of vertigo, or intense back pain. it is very debilitating! what if this happens when i am in school?

on my own, i am getting blood drawn at a lab here and sending it to a well-respected testing facility. the test is called the ALCAT and i'll be tested for delayed reactions to 200 foods. i need answers and even though this test is expensive, i think having answers (even if i learn i can't eat some of my favorite foods) will be comforting. at this point i feel like i can deal with anything except mystery.

i'm also having a colonoscopy next monday, so maybe the tissue samples from my digestive system will also provide some answers.

maybe, just maybe, if i spend just one more month on the health stuff, i can figure it out and move on. i really want and need to move on. i have so much energy to give when i am not wrapped up in my health and medical issues.

manifesting answers. let it be so.