cleanse report, days 5 & 6

as i begin day seven of this cleanse, i am feeling so much better than i could have imagined. there is a lightness and contentment in my emotional self that has surprised me. what a nice surprise! i am also surprised that i have such sustained energy in body, given the drastic reduction in protien this week from my previous diet.

it actually takes less than i think to feel good. that is really interesting. i do believe the water is key. lots and lots of ph balanced water. my skin is clearing up and my eyes look really clear and bright.

i feel bright all over, actually!

i'm still dealing with cravings, yes. mostly for chewy crunchy salty things. pizza and popcorn, you know. nibbling on a little piece of Himalayan salt fends off most of them. it really is mineral rich, tasty salt.

another odd thing is the dreams i've had this week. very vivid, strange dreams. maybe my subconscious is also detoxing? sure seems like it. worry, death and destruction. it's all coming out.

my apartment detox continues. yesterday two pieces of furniture i replaced went bye-bye. such a relief to have that extra desk and coffee table out of my livingroom. today i am going to clear off my dining table and create a space to concentrate on conscious eating. i live alone, why not make my eating area into a sacred space?

eleven pounds lost in this last month. i am frankly amazed and deeply encouraged. i have renewed hope that i might just be able to do this thing. lose 50 pounds and renew my health. heal my heel and be ready for reconstruction surgery. and i've read dozens of studies that found cancer cells cannot thrive in an alkaline environment. this sums up my anti-cancer strategy. to create and maintain a slightly alkaline environment in my body so that cancer (and we all have "cancer" cells floating around in us all the time) cannot gain any ground, ever again.

i am so aware of how it is not just about the water i drink or food i eat. it's about my state of mind and the health of my emotional world. in a couple of weeks i am starting a 6-week workshop, like a group therapy type deal, at project quest. it's just for women with or healing from, breast cancer and is focused on developing your inner healer. lead by a naturpath doctor and a Jungian psychologist.

tomorrow i begin week two of the cleanse...

cleanse report, day 4

i really can hardly believe i have made it this far with the cleanse. yesterday was a bit easier, i made an excellent soup. a yummy "creamy" cauliflower, very satisfying.

my energy held up well through the day and i was quite tired by 9 pm, but that was ok. the hardest part is being chilly because the weather has been chilly and not having a big pile of warm carbs or a chewy piece of meat to warm me up. i've been drinking my water, more pureed soups and some herb tea in the evening.

the good news is, we are getting a summer heat wave starting today. that should make it all easier. and i have acupuncture today, which will be great.

i haven't been working very much during the first four days of the cleanse, but i think i am in the groove enough and stable enough to hit the studio again. i've got a few orders and alot of new inventory to produce. also, my birthday is coming up and i like to make myself a new piece of jewelry every year. i have a beautiful 1.5 inch square agate that i've had for years, intending to set as a necklace. i think it just might be time.

ah, my birthday always brings up stuff. emotional stuff, issues on the back burner. every year it is a time of evaluation and contemplation. this year feels like a particularly big year for looking deeply at my life and self. i've been asking big questions and looking ahead 10, 20 years.

where do i want to be? how do i want to feel about my life? my work? my body?

this cleanse is an opportunity to also let go of toxic ideas about me and all aspects of my life. i'll be writing about that here, as it becomes more clear.

how about you? does your birthday inspire contemplation?

cleanse report, day 3

emotionally, i've never done well with deprivation diets. i don't believe in them actually. a cleanse isn't the same thing, but it does bring up some of the same issues. by afternoon yesterday, i was feeling a bit shaky and crabby. nothing for it except more water with green powder.

no chocolate. no popcorn. nothing crunchy and salty. yesterday felt a bit more like coming off a drug. i was experiencing withdrawals and i wasn't liking it.

day three was a bit challenging. i am realizing that getting just the right balance of nutrients is so important when you are limited in menu. forget one ingredient in your morning smoothie and it's not going to stick with you for long. it is a very interesting process, at least from the inside. hopefully you all reading aren't bored to tears!

it's all for my foot. i just keep thinking about the possibility that i could dance again in my life and that alone is keeping me going. losing a pound a day isn't hurting the motivation either. some hours of the day are very slow and about four in the afternoon is somehow the worst. i count the hours til bedtime and figure out my plan. what i shoould be doing after dinner is yoga, reading and mediation. what i am doing is watching tv, a complete toxic trip. but somehow it's hard to be 100% good, unless you do this at a retreat center. i am still easing into all parts of this.

by week two, i'll be getting it all right. baby steps.

today i am scheduled to be down in the pearl district, with a booth in the monthly street fair, selling my jewelry. at this moment, it just sounds awful. alot of energy, cold after dark, all that schlepping and for what? the chance that i will make some sales? i sold almost nothing the last time. my inventory is still a bit thin after the big show in august. and i had such a horrible, terrible night the last time i went, in july. the rudest people ever. i'm not sure i have the physical or emotional energy to do this right now.

i'm already feeling a bit pathetic and selling my lovingly crafted wares on the street might be the straw that broke the camel's back. if only i could do it for just 3 hours instead of 5, of which a full 2 are after dark. it's those last two hours that kill me.

i actually had a nightmare about it last night. can i take that as a sign?

so. my morning smoothie, which is so delicious (and sticks with you) is as follows:

Green Breakfast of Champions

in a blender, put the following:
1 avocado, peeled
large handful of fresh spinach
1 T. lemon flavor Carlson Cod Liver Oil ( yay for Omega-3!)
1 T. Spectrum cold press unrefined Coconut Oil
squeeze from 1/2 a fresh lime
1 cup (or so to make a good consistency) almond milk, unsweetened (I am making mine fresh but you can use commercial)
2 T. Supreme Meal, protein powder by Peaceful Planet (it is sprouted amaranth, millet & quinoa -really quite fabulous and yummiest protien powder I've ever tasted and I've had them all!)

blend until all is smooth and drink or eat in a bowl with a spoon like a cool soup. yum!

cleanse report, day 2

day two was way, way, better than day one. thank heavens for that! i managed my six liters of water easily, although am still peeing more often than i'd like. maybe my bladder will stretch a bit?

there are signs already that the detox is happening. my face broke out, or instance. i knew this might happen, but it's still icky to deal with. i've had a few headaches, but nothing serious or lasting. yesterday i felt upbeat, solid energy and pretty content.

so far, i am feeling like it's a success. far better and easier than any other time i have tried my own version of a cleanse. i've lost 2 pounds and wasn't hungry at all yesterday. it's interesting, the nature of hunger. so much of it is either being dehydrated, of actually emotional hunger.

i know carb cravings are a sign i want to self-medicate. so during this cleanse, i am just observing that craving and seeing it for what it is. a habit, a crutch, something i don't really need.

there is an emotional detox happening as well. the book i am following talks about getting ready emotionally to release toxins from your mind and spirit. because toxic feelings and thoughts are part of what upsets the ph balance in your body. when you are stressed, or holding on to anger, or not dealing with something you know you should - those emotional states actually change the chemistry of your cells.

i'm learning that even if i do everything "right" in terms of foods and nutrition, deep healing can still escape me if my emotional realm is toxic.

of course i knew this. it's just hitting me differently this time.

which is not to say that i can't be angry or stressed, that i must keep some false cheerful going all the time. that would really suck the life out of me! just that holding on to things is where the long term damage is done. solving things quickly and cleanly is the best hope for staying away from the toxic zone in my emotional world.

when life delivers a plate with something like cancer, you have choices. going through the journey, i've been choosing to create better health that i had before cancer. i do think about it coming back. and i figure all i can do is this: live my best, healthiest life. take excellent care of my body and treat it as my temple. make it someplace that cancer can't survive.

that's the plan, folks.

cleanse report, day 1

well, i knew it wouldn't be easy, this cleanse business. yesterday is exactly why i did not attempt this right after radiation. day one was a little rough, but i managed.

the rough part was really my fault, not having done all my shopping before i started. so i didn't have my ducks in a row as far as food. and i got hungry and headache-y. which i kind of expected, but still it didn't feel good. with most cleanses, if you can get through the first 2-3 days, you're fine. i've never managed to do just liquids longer than 3 days in the past. this time however, i am determined and am following a plan, not just winging it!

i only had a wheat grass powder sample pack that had been hanging around for my morning green drink and it was vile. that followed by a green smoothie that was so bitter i simply choked it down as well. a word on cucumbers. always taste them before you put them in the blender and use as the base for a smoothie. the bitter ones really ruin the rest of your ingredients. and no amount of vanilla flavored stevia will make it right. in fact, that addition just made things worse! also in the smoothie was hemp powder (which i love), almond milk (commercial variety) an avocado...and a few other things i threw in to try to save the thing.

i vowed to do better the next day. and i have. my green smoothie this morning was so delicious i thought, wow, i could drink this everyday! more on that recipe later.

by evening, i had myself set up and was able to make the soup you see above. quite delicious! and as the weather was unseasonable cool, it was great to have warm food in the evening. it's made from all fresh veggies and herbs, then blended so fine they become nearly creamy.

no joke, it is a challenge to get down nearly 6 liters of water each day. you have to work at it, that much doesn't just happen naturally. i did yesterday, however.

by 9:30 pm, i was happy to go to bed and be done with day one.

beginning the cleanse

today is the official beginning of my body cleanse, a deep detox. i am going to be writing about it here with regularity and hope to make it the whole 14 days. i'd love to have you all follow along and cheer me on. maybe you'll get inspired or glean some ideas for your own healing journey!

i am following the ph miracle for weight loss, by robert young and his wife, shelley young. to prepare, in the past 8 weeks, i have read several books on the importance of ph balance in the body and have been learning alot about how having a too acidic body causes (or creates a perfect environment) for a host of problems and diseases. in fact, cancer cannot survive in a ph balanced system.

so my cleanse has a few purposes. to help prevent cancer by kicking off a new way of eating, to flush my system of acid wastes that cause, amounst other things, bone spurs and inflammation, and to drop the pounds i need to before my next surgery. in the last month, as i have prepared to begin the cleanse, i have dropped six pounds, just by making a few changes.

the biggest change is water. yes, simple water. the ph of your average tap water is about 5, which is acid. a balanced water is 7, and a water that will help heal and make the body less acidic and more alkaline - that water has a ph of 9 or more. even most bottled waters are actually creating a more acidic state in the body. so drinking the right water is important. and drinking enough of it! for my body weight, the program calls for drinking 6 liters of alkaline water a day...so far, i've made it up to 4 liters a day. i adjust the ph of all my water now with trace mineral drops, which adds extra oxygen and makes the water into a base instead of an acid.

chemistry anyone?

let me tell you, drinking this (good for you) water, and so much of it - really gives you energy and curbs your craving for sugar and protein. both of which have had too prominent a place in my diet. in fact, during rads, i was told to eat extra protein, up to 80 grams a day! this was to aid my cells with repair. i only began eating meat again about 3 years ago, after being veggie for 20 years. and my weight gain has all happened in that time. which is not to say i am going back to being a vegetarian. just that the ease of meat protein made me a lazy eater (understandable when you are busy working 3 jobs) and my ratio of veggies to protein got out of whack.

if you are really interested in the program i am following (with the help of my doctor) then do a little goggling on ph balance. i am sure i won't cover the concept in depth here enough for anyone to be convinced. but i'd like to chronicle the experience for myself and share it with you all.

a couple of things jumped out at me when i started reading about this ph balance stuff. one, that having a too acidic system and blood will cause inflammation in the intestine that blocks nutrients from being absorbed. my doctor and i have been trying to figure out how i could be taking so many supplements and eating to reduce my chronic inflammation in my heel and arms, yet have so much continuing pain and problems. it just doesn't add up. two, that over and over in different sources, i have read that cancer cells cannot survive in an alkaline environment. and three, that if your body is too acidic, it will hold on to fat to protect itself from that acid.

there may be some of you shaking your heads about now and thinking i am crazy. it's ok. when you read about the ph balance diet, you see that it's a healthy diet no one could argue with. lots of fresh raw veggies, healthy fats like fish oil for omega-3, a 70/30 split between raw and cooked foods. complex carbs, low sugar, no processed foods. eat more fish and less red meat. drink lots of good water.

it's really incredibly sensible. the alkaline water is the most radical thing, really. and so far, it's working.

so the cleanse itself is called a "liquid feast", a fancy term for an all liquids diet for two weeks. don't worry, there is soup as well. i won't be starving at all. I'll be keeping you posted as i go, so do stay tuned. it will be interesting if nothing else.

ok, i've got some serious water to drink!

apartment detox, first report

progress has been made, my friends. this week, i have managed to rest some and get some significant projects around my apartment resolved. my new motto is: get rid of the stupid. i am looking at home projects with new eyes. if i haven't done anything with it in over six months, i have to either a) finish it, or b) get rid of it.

early in the week i finished a project that had been taking up space and sucking energy in my living room for two years. it feels so, so good to complete it! above is a photo of the piece finished. looks simple, i know. i had this concept after picking up these four cool 1950's door panels at a local salvage place. i would stain the wood dark to match my couch and suspend them from the ceiling to create an "entryway" in my apartment. it's always bothered me that my ground floor apartment, which opens up right onto the street (ok, four steps down) has no sense of transition from public to private space. the living & dining are all one big 14 x 22 ft room, so when someone comes to the door, boom! there is your life for all to see.

despite telling part of my life story on the internet, i am really quite a private person.

well, finally the light bulb went off on this project. i could skip staining the wood (i have several colors of wood in the room anyway) and just by getting a few hinge pins, the existing hinges would connect the panels into sets of two. wow, i was on a roll. a few brass straps screwed the two sets together in the middle and suddenly, like magic, i had a screen with ends that folded in and stood up by itself! immediately, the room became more cozy and each time i came in the front door, i smiled with the pleasure of seeing that screen.

finished is better than perfect. it's a stretch for me to embrace this, but it's also making me much, much happier. detoxing is wonderful for the spirit.

i then moved on to my office and a long day was spent at ikea, measuring and plotting. that is a story for another day, when i have fabulous "before" and "after" pictures to show.

detox, stage one

the temperature outside has been hovering around 100 degrees the past few days here in portland. a creative combination of small air conditioner and fans is keeping me comfortable here inside. slowly, i have been recovering. fed by silence, good sleep and many hours laying on the couch. i'm reading a bit as well. a well rounded selection: some humor, some health and some spirituality. i'm preparing for a major body and spirit cleanse. i'll be writing more on that process as it unfolds.

today i felt energetic enough to start a bit of cleaning and organizing in my home office/painting studio. my hodge-podge of furniture isn't really serving the space well at all. i'm purging the extra pieces out and looking for more stylish space savers to suit my duel purposes.

before my move west, i lived in a small town where i could afford to own a house. an adorable three bedroom house, with a sun room, full basement and 2-stall garage. you can imagine the abundance of space this afforded for just me and my little dog. we spread out. i had a different room set up as a studio for many mediums. a metals space, a painting space, for a while a fiber studio. a bit of photography in the basement. all that for the price of a studio apartment in the portland rental market today!

yet, i am so grateful for the space i have now, to be honest. it's a glorious 800 square foot apartment and i have free storage in the basement. loads of closets, really. the only problem is the furniture i had in my former house didn't need to be compact or efficient. it only needed to look cool. and fit in my truck to take it home.

so i think it is time to say goodbye to a few things. and open the door to a few new possibilities, new ways to operate and organize.

i am ready to clear the clutter, to tighten up the edges. an apartment detox, i'm calling it.

i'm back

oh my. what a time it was. so many layers, some so sweet and light, others bitter and hard to digest. this festival i attended as a craft vendor is like a concentrated version of life. from dramatic rain storms to bright sun, from softest hugs to the tightest emotional tension.

abundance is amplified. relationships are magnified, including the weak spots. it is intense to say the least.

the best part? my sales were wonderful. i am thrilled! and now my dry cup is refilled, i can breathe easier for a while. hopefully that while is long enough to really catch my breath, deeply heal my body and nurture my business in ways that will ensure strong growth.

let's put our positive intention there, shall we?

another best part? the wonderful women i connected with. such a sweet outpouring of love and support. i was shocked at the number of women that had been lurking here on this blog and other places where i have written about the turnip. they approached me with such soft energy, such a steady understanding and so much compassion. i felt my circle expand, stretch to into new places and hold me perfectly. wow. i am so thankful for the gift of those smiles, soft hugs and generous purchases. thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!

i feel the wheel turning, slowly gaining speed. there is a shift coming in me, in my broken body and hurting heart. healing. true healing is on the horizon. i can almost see it. i feel newly hopeful for that, even as i survey the wreckage of what this last few weeks has brought. my heel is worse, way worse. it's forcing me to rest. damn. there's that pesky silver lining. i am looking at it, appreciating it. my arms are aching, i want to write and write, but i know it's not the best choice for my body.

i'm taking a break from the studio, i have to. next week, all rest. i plan on doing some nesting in my apartment. maybe a trip to ikea, some simple items for some simple organizing.

i'm very glad to have this event behind me. and even more glad to have this future before me.

off and away

just the shortest of posts to say: i'm off to the woods for 8 days. the big craft fair i mentioned is upon me now, my plane takes off early sunday morning. so i must get to bed.

my internet was down for long periods this week, so i intended to write here, but was thwarted each time i tried, and now have simply run out of time.

but i will tell you all that i am much better than i was at my last post. your comments and encouragement was so heartening, thank-you. i am feeling calmer and happier in spirit, although the body is still failing me right and left. my heel is so more pain than it has been in a month, with all my rushing around getting ready. simply too many hours on my feet. it doesn't take much to make things worse in the area.

i'll be back next week and hopefully with lots of good stories from the event. fingers crossed for record sales and great weather.

til then~